Pregnancy or baby loss, however and whenever it occurs can be heartbreaking and painful. Sadly it is common, and please know that you are not alone in your loss. In the UK, it is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth. Support and time can be vital to helping you grieve and heal, however and whenever the loss happens, whether from family and friends or from other support services and organisations. As is giving yourself time to grieve at such a difficult time.
Because this is so important and common, but sometimes not so openly talked about I wanted to put together some information and resources that might help you, or someone you know, at this difficult time. So I have put together the details and links to a number of UK organisations and charities that can support you with loss, as well as a couple of guided relaxation MP3’s that I have recorded that may be helpful.
If your loss feels in any way traumatic to you, and you are continuing to have difficult and unwanted heavy feelings, flashbacks, panic attacks and the like you may also find the information on the Three Step Rewind technique I offer helpful, details are here. Three Step Rewind is not a method of managing grief as grief is an ongoing response, but feelings that we may describe as traumatic are usually associated with moments or events. Three step rewind can help you to reprocess the memory in a gentle way an lift the difficult feelings and help you self heal.
Sending anyone who reads this page my heart felt love and best wishes.
Susan x
Free Guided Relaxations
I have recorded two guided relaxations that could be helpful. Please listen below, or you can download them for free if you prefer to listen that way.
The first is a gentle loving support for women who have experienced loss, the second a guided relaxation that may help if you are pregnant after a loss.
Resources & Support Services
If you would like support, you can speak with your GP or another healthcare professional.
In addition these resources could be helpful.
Tommys website also has lots of information and support services too - https://www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support and the Tommys helpline 08000147800
Miscarriage Association, for miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy support https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ pregnancy loss helpline 01924 200799
SANDS Help for bereaved parents and families after stillbirth https://www.sands.org.uk/ national helpline, 0808 164 3331
If you have experienced the sudden or unexpected death of a baby or young child Lullaby Trust 0808 8026868 www.lullabytrust.org.uk
If you are in or around York there is an organisation in York who I have heard great things about in case this is useful to you https://reflectyork.co.uk/
If you feel you are in crisis and cannot cope with your current feelings please seek an urgent appointment with your GP of visit A&E. You can also call the Samaritans, free 24 hours a day on 116 123 from any phone or visit their website https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan
Books:
Why Baby Loss Matters by Kay King
Life After Baby Loss by Nicola Gaskin (personal account)
Offering Support After Loss
When someone you know experiences baby or pregnancy loss it can be really difficult to know what to do or say. There are some simple ways we can better support people just by thinking about our language, what we do and how we respond. If you are supporting someone with loss or grief reminding yourself to check your intention, language and behavior against the following list can be really useful
The best ways to support someone
be supportive, try not to fix the grief
listen without judgement
speak about feelings
be non-active, do not tell people what they should do
do not try to change a persons feelings
recognise the loss
do not time limit grief
seek connection, not correction
How not to support:
Trying to fix or move on from the loss
being directive in nature and offering solutions
attempting to explain or justify
being judgemental
putting a timeline on loss
comparing or lessening
(from Why Baby Loss Matters by Kay King)
